Past columns

November 29, 1996

The TLF Strikes!

Today, a frightening secret force unveiled itself to the eyes of the public. The Turkey Liberation Front, or TLF, is an organization whose secret ranks have been swelling for years, drawing upon enslaved and downtrodden domestic turkeys. Dedicated to the eradication of the traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner and the liberation of farm turkeys everywhere, the TLF appears to be willing to use any means necessary to achieve their goals.

At 1 pm, November 28, 1996, the TLF launched a coordinated attack across the United States. All damage reports are not yet in, but we have scenes of factories and farms burning, of innocent Thanksgiving feasters pecked down in cold blood, and, perhaps the most disturbing of all, a group of turkeys giving thanks over and consuming the cooling corpse of a policeman.

At 3 pm, November 28, 1996, the President of the United States declared martial law until this situation can be resolved. Please stay inside. You may wish to arm yourself with a carving knife and a basting brush. We thank you for your cooperation.

This news update brought to you by Matthew D. Grau, our man in the coop.

November 28, 1996

Spam-A-Rama Ding Dong! (Part II)

Then to British Columbia, where Brian Edmonds has built the lovely blacklist.pl for filtering spam while browsing the Usenet. Brian also has pointers to two very important sites:

• the Anti-Spam Campaign: This should be your first step on your path to a spam-free existence - there's too much good stuff here to list (though the link to TigerDen was quite informative).
• the CancelMoose™ home page: The CancelMoose was instrumental in the Scientology vs the Internet fight. The same technology is being used to filter email without the burden of governmental 'help' or lawsuits. Besides, it's voluntary, free, and promises to be very effective in filtering all sorts of content for users of all persuasions and sensitivities.

If you know your way around procmail (and really, who does?), here are a couple fun sites for learning how to get the most out of this unix mail preprocessor:

• Lars Wirzenius's mail filtering page - Lars details his approach and supplies an example in procmail (hint this might be used as a tutorial if you're really bored)
• the Mail Filtering FAQ - big, comprehensive, and big.

Or, if you have and account on IO, check IO revealed on how you can set up your very own killfile.

-- Bob MAKE MONEY FAST!!! Apthorpe

November 27, 1996

Spam-A-Rama Ding Dong! (Part I)

Tip: If you're using Netscape v3, go to Options | Network Preferences | Protocols and check Show Alert Before Accepting A Cookie. Why? Some of these sites try to track your usage by giving your browser the equivalent of the radio tag as seen on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom without the benefits of anaesthetic and wrestling Jim Fowler. Send me $5 and I'll tell you how to turn the alert messages off again...

First on our list of Unrepentant Spam Jockeys is http://www.cyberpromo.com/ - premier online whiners and e-mailbox stuffers. Take a look at their Silent Majority page - 'tis truly a hoot. Don't just sit there; voice your opinion and send them a 60MB web server log today!

Can you tell the twin with the Tony?

• Crap
• Crap

Zen bulk email: Repeat the mantra...

Beware the animating glop on MarkeTech's© page - it made me queasy (as if spam hunting wasn't nauseating enough). Here you get some tips on how They get your mail address so watch out for those chat rooms...
(PS: Isn't scanning US currency illegal?)

Smutty bulk email: Here's a fun game you can play! Simply buy this mailing list and look for people you know. Especially co-workers, employers, employees, relatives, members of the clergy, etc. Then blackmail them into giving you cash and fabulous prizes! Offer not good in states that have laws against such things.

We next visit scenic Montreal home of Vicious Twerps on the Loose. Nasty, nasty, nasty little people. And having thousands of cookies rammed down your throat doesn't help much.

Our whirlwind spam tour takes us next to Austria, home of http://www.phoenix.at/bulk2.html A mailing we did yesterday generated a response rate of 15%!! - This is amusing on two accounts: 1) How many of those responses were 'TAKE ME OFF YOUR @#%$&! LIST!', and 2) the page was last updated on November 15th. I guess 'yesterday' means something different to amateur online marketing yobbos. More WebKruft™ is available off their home page

If you have to remember one acronym this year, it would be TANSTAAFL.So kids, stay in school, work hard, and stay creative lest you wind up selling this.

Tomorrow we show you defenses against the scourge of bulk email.

-- Bob "Exactly what are Christian Hair and Skin Products?" Apthorpe

November 26, 1996

Steve Returns From Philly Empty-Handed!

Otherwise, Steve had a pretty good time.

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 25, 1996

Grind, Grind, Grind

What else? Well, the ADQ archives got freshened up recently. Before the die-hard Car Wars fans jump down my throat for my admittedly sub-optimal handling of the ADQ HTMLization project, let me just say that yes, we're still doing it and (assuming some time frees itself up) we'll do a relaunch sometime very soon. I've still got most of the mail that people have sent me with regards to ADQ and as soon as I get the templates and some guidelines reformulated, I'll contact the lot of you and we can get this show on the road, pardon the pun.

Oh, one more thing before I forget: If you have some free time, check out the new and improved graphically-enhanced processed INWO substitute website and let me know what you think. Beware the subliminals, though.

-- Pope Bath Orb

November 22, 1996

Roadkill R Us™

• Read of their legal 'troubles' with the psychotic, paranoid, litigation-happy corporate-types over at Toys-R-Us (no relation and whatever you do, don't check Torts-R-Us)

• Lament the loss of our dear friend Pogo

• Read their generous licensing agreement for the Pound Sign™ (#™)

• Or find the link back to SJ Games (and no, that's not how we found them. Honest. We were looking for socks and they just showed up. Really.)

-- Pope Bath Orb

November 21, 1996

Pig Leg He Lost Is On Yon TV!

One nice one is from Eli Burke at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg (I wonder if he knows anyone at BTRC?). Eli even posts source code so you can see how his mystery device works.

Another generator can be found at www.wordsmith.org, home of A.Word.A.Day.

Anyway, Steve will be at Philcon from November 22nd through the 24th so if you're in the Philly area, stop by and ask him about In Nomine...

-- Pope Bath Orb

November 20, 1996

Zen Stories To Tell Your Neighbors

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 19, 1996

Non adamare non possum

Don't act so shocked - the King truly is timeless...

(With special thanks to Secret Illuminator Newshound Mark Bassett!)

-- Bob "Sounds Great In Any Language" Apthorpe

November 18, 1996

Aftermath of 1996 German INWO Finals

It's a long story of backstabbing, intrigue, dealmaking, and good, old-fashioned betrayal. But you wouldn't expect anything less...

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 15, 1996

Not An Indoor Toy!

But that's not all they're up to:

• 3-D Dinosaur Skull!

• Dowsing for H-Bombs!

• Rock'Em-Sock'Em Combat Robots!

• Here We Are Now - Entertain Us!

-- Bob "No User-Serviceable Parts" Apthorpe

November 14, 1996

Fun Stories For Sick People...

They could be construed as funny, but not that we'd ever let on. So don't read them.

And all you little kids out there, go someplace else.

Thanks Kevin! You should seek professional help.

-- Bob "That's Not Funny, That's Sick" Apthorpe

November 13, 1996

E-Post ist jetzt <<wonky>>

In the meantime, feel free to amuse yourself with LegoWars II.

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 12, 1996

Nerdstock!

If you're in the Austin, TX area, plug in, press on, and wipe out at NerdStock, a big benefit for EFF-Austin and the Metropolitan Austin Interactive Network.

Many bands, cool T-shirts and a good time can be had at La Zona Rosa on November 13th, 1996. The show starts at 5:30 pm and goes until something like 1 am.

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 11, 1996

AADA News Online!

Other news: We've got a convention volunteer page set up for PhilCon (11/22 -11/24) so if you're in the area and you're interested in helping us out, take a look.

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 8, 1996

New GURPS Utilities Now Available!

• GURPS Character Generator by Imaginware is a comprehensive character builder that runs under Windows 3.x. Shareware.

• David Summers has created a GURPS character construction spreadsheet for Excel. Originally designed for the Macintosh, it works under Windows Excel as well.

• GURPS Cribsheet V2.1 (PostScript) (Soh Kam Hung). Tons of useful GM tables and charts suitable for printing on A4 or US legal-size paper.

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 7, 1996

Chat With The Stars!

We talk about the latest industry gossip, upcoming SJ Games releases, long-term plans, answer rules questions -- just about anything the audience cares to talk about. We're in the Online Gaming Forum (Keyword: OGF), so if you've got an AOL account, dial us up on Thursday night and join in.

We also maintain two message folders in the Gaming Company Support section of AOL (Keyword: GCS), one for Pyramid magazine (under Publications) and one for SJ Games (under Game Company Messages). You can post questions there anytime, and I or somebody else will get you an answer.

-- Scott Haring

November 6, 1996

Men in Black Needed In Philly

If you're interested in working our booth at Philcon, please check out our convention volunteer page and drop mail to Matthew Grau (eldritch@io.com). You need to be able to smile at people, even SF fans, and to know enough about our games to answer questions. I'll be there with you a lot of the time, but not all the time.

We pay semi-generously in loot - if you are building a collection of INWO or Dino Hunt, here's your chance to grab a lot of boosters. If you're going to work a lot of hours, we can try to get your convention registration covered. And, of course, we (fnord) all booth help.

-- Steve Jackson

November 5, 1996

Vote - Or Else!

Or something.

So, if you haven't already cast your vote (assuming you're legal to vote in the U.S.), there's still time to check out the League of Women Voters to get a fairly cogent, non-partisan view of who's running for what, at least in the Austin, TX area.

So get out and vote. Otherwise you've got no business complaining when some unpleasant weirdo gets elected...

-- Bob Apthorpe

November 4, 1996

SJ Games Salutes the Rocket Sled!

(chant, in unison)

• Rocket Sled!
• Rocket Sled!
• Rocket Sled!

-- Bob (Super-Genius) Apthorpe

November 1, 1996

Knightmare Chess Official Rulings Now Online!

Does anyone know? In order to keep the conflict on the chessboard, we've posted the Knightmare Chess Official Rulings online.

Play nice,

-- Bob Apthorpe